Guess what: I have insecurities. Since the day my daughter was born, I have doubted my mothering. I have felt guilty. For all sorts of things and reasons. I have struggled with little details on how to say no, when to say no or even whether or not to say no to her. Sometimes I would say no too much just because I thought that's what I should do, and sometimes I wouldn't say no at all and let her rule me. The first 2 years of her life were exhausting. Mainly because of all the stories and insecurities I had created in my head.
I want to share this insecurity with you because I know there are those who look at my life thinking its perfect. Just like I look at other mothers and their families and think their lives are perfect. I have an admiration for mothers, there even is a tad of envy at times for mothers who have several children, not just one like me. I look up to mothers and how they interact with their children confidently. It's only been about 6 or 10 months since I can say wholeheartedly that I love being a mum, that I love and adore my time with my girl. I have learned to deal with those insecurities of mine, it took 7 years.
I learned that having insecurities does not make you worth less. It does not make you a failure or a lesser person. It makes you human. And in fact, it is the actual thing that makes you unique and beautiful. Being vulnerable, as Brene Brown states in her book Daring Greatly; that vulnerability is the actual birthplace of connection and love to others. All you need to do is allow that insecurity to be there. Once you stop trying to avoid it emotionally or hide it from others, you learn to be okay with those insecurities. Instead of trying to run away from them, you learn to embrace them and accept them. And once you learn that, that's when you learn to love yourself full full-heartedly and completely.